can u hear me cry?

Tonight i am supposed to be in bed at tis time. I wasn't feeling very well, and keep on having migraines and headaches. Maybe the weather is too hot and am feeling very heaty... however, i still online at this hour and still look at de monitor though i had been looking at it for the whole day.

I'm feeling very down. When i online earlier this evening, i met a fren thru yahoo! msgr and i asked why was she sad. I knew she was sad cox norm she'll tell me lots of things. She blamed her moodiness on her hormones.

Later i went out though i wasn't feeling well, cox i feel like eating ice cream very much. So i went down town to get a cone and later went for supper at jln song. After my supper, I feel sad. Perhaps things are really better this way. Since you really wanted to go so much, then just go ahead. Things had always been changing and changing, til i'm so numb wid wat more to expect. Never was there any plannings which will make me feel completely safe. If anyone is to question me right now wat i expect in my life, I'll 'rain' rightaway! Yes, everything is so unpredictable, and i'll say it's only fair if i have a choice for myself too.

grandma will be sleeping here tonight. She had undergone a cataract surgery today at GH but the operation will haf to recontinue tmr since they hadn't got the suitable lenses for her. Since it's quite a journey back to Bau, grandma had came over to sleep for the nite. Private docs and general hospital really differs so much in terms of services they provide. GH couldn't even provide my grandma a place to sleep for the night. Her wound would haf been terribly painful since the operation is not completed yet... she still haf to bear wid the pain til the next morn!

Ppl who are rich and who can afford would have opted to go to private hosp for sure... but for poorer ppl, they'll queue and wait for the treatment they can get from GH. Deep inside of me, I'll always tell myself i wanted the best of everything. Is wealth not important? I really have to admit it is important due to a lot of things tat i encountered! Some ppl can afford to go to private hosp for deliveries, whereas the richer ones will fear so much as to step inside the labour ward of the GH... wat more to say about giving birth there. If you have a choice, which category will you choose to be in???

when i online to hope tat i'll be able to find someone to talk to right now, i met another sad person. he sez he'll never be happy again... wat does that mean? I think tat terms suited me more than it does for him. he sez he oso dunno why, but he juz feel sad. Sigh... seems like the wind of bitterness is sweeping across the land, bringing despairs and griefs and hurts to us.

After bla bla-ing here, I'm so much better now. I feel that i cant really shed a tear now. Whenever i have the urge to cry, seems like tears juz fill my eyes, and when i take a deep breath, my tears will juz be transformed into a deep sigh and that's all! Maybe i'm oledi too getting used to the current situation.... all this numbness... i won't expect anything much anymore.... juz take things as it comes. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If not, then juz let it pass...