12/24/2009

xmas 2009 sharing

Tmr is Christmas day.... it'll be Jayden's baptism day and in the afternoon we'll be going to Kasih Sayang Kokol Hill. Xiao Yu purposely pops in to Facebook and asked if we'll be going... we did plan to go, juz tat we forgot to inform them & to pay!

Xiao Yu asked us to prepare the answer for 2 questions... which i find very meaningful. When she first asked me, I was scratching my head figuring wat i haf to say... but after an evening's time, i finally jotted down all my answers to the 2 questions and seems like my list is quite long!

The 2 meaningful questions which everyone will haf to share tmr are :-
(i) In 2009, I'm thankful that ...
(ii) In 2010, I hope that ...

These 2 questions seem to be very simple, but when Xiao Yu first ask me, it really got my mind rolling, thinking for answers. Finally these are what I wanna share, not only tmr but also here in my blog.

In 2009, I'm thankful that ...
- we have enough to eat, enough to use & enough to wear.
- we stay healthy and well. Although there are times of sickness, we are still able to pay for our medical bills and to heal with caring family members by our side.
- although 2009 is one of the toughest year where we'd suffered a great lost by losing an unborn child; we are thankful that we have God's grace & ppl around caring for us all the while & that we have Jayden by our side to cheer & lighten us up all the while.
- Most of all, I am thankful that I have a loving & patient husband who never fails to support me when i'm down and helping me to grow & be a better person.

In 2010, I hope that ...
- we will all continue to stay happy and healthy.
- we will all grow to love God even more.
- I, myself, will be a better person...
~ be a better wife to my husband
~ be a better mum to my son
~ be a better daughter to my mum and parent-in-laws
~ be a better sister to my siblings & brother n sister-in-laws.
- we continue to have God's grace in everything that we do.
- Last but not least, is that God's grace and blessings will continue to shine down on my sister's family, keeping her strong and continue to have faith in God always.

'dong jie' 09

22nd Dec 09 - Today is the Chinese last festive of the year, the 'dong jie' - translated as winter celebration. Until now i still don't understand why does it falls on the 22nd Dec every year.... cause if according to the Chinese calendar then it's a different date every year!

Today hubby, as usual, will be very busy. There were so many things tat need to be done before year 2009 come to an end. I had no idea how the celebration will be tonite, but i'd been boiling red bean soup for the 'tang yuen' since 12pm. Last week, i bought a packet of this rice dumpling wid black sesame filling for RM5. There were 10big balls of dumplings in there. After the red bean soup is ready, i'll boil the rice dumplings and dump it into the red bean soup and make my special bowl of 'tang yuen' for my family!

When hubby came home at 5.30pm, he said we'll be having dinner outside together wid ahPau & family. This time the celebration only left us 2family for the rest are having family members at their place. ahPau suggested Wagamama Japanese restaurant, and since we'd never tried Wagamama before, we agreed. Although there were only a few of us, we had an enjoyable meal... and although it's japanese food for a chinese celebration, =)) nvm... we'll haf 'tang yuen' after japanese food. We brought some of my 'tang yuen' in homemade red bean soup over for ahPau and wife, figuring his working wife will be too busy to cook 'tang yuen'.

It was ahPau & wife's treat at Wagamama tonite.... really so 'paisei'. The dinner was worth the price for we got 50% discount since ChenIng (Pau's wife) is a member. In return, we treated them for Yen Ai's desserts. We had a simple and lovely celebration, thanks to ahPau & wife!


Our bento set tat nite - with fried chicken pieces, fried scallops, calamari, fish & prawn tempuras, oysters, baby octopus, beef bacon & turkey ham... although the final 2 seems to be a bit more western than japanese! Oh, the set goes wid 2 bowls of rice & 2 bowls of miso soup as well!


My bowl of 'ai xin tang yuen' (rice dumplings wid love) in red bean soup

12/16/2009

thoughts

Tonight once again i am feeling sentimental. I dunno why there seems to be a period of time when i'll feel down all of a sudden, and just wish tat time can turn back. Again, i'll blame this all on my hormones.

Christmas is coming real soon, and this year will be coming to an end. From other's point of view, many would think i'm very fortunate cox i need not work and all i need to do is to spend time wid my son at home. At times, I do feel bored. Thinking back of how life was before venturing into marriage, my life was packed wid works, dancing, gatherings, outings & performances. Sometimes I really do miss being able to do all the things tat i love without considering about anyone else. Things are different now. Whatever decision tat i make, it'll haf to include my hubby & son. Perhaps tis is wat it mean by growing up and becoming more matured. More responsibilities to handle and becoming more caring and 'mother'ly. Sigh!

I was trying to read back some old mails which owest bring me back previous memories.... deep and emotional. Until today I do not understand why.... do not understand myself and do not understand my heart.

Telling myself once more, I gotta be strong. All that had passed, I must let go. It will be best for everyone if we can all just forget and venture on. Another new year is coming.... what should I expect of this new year??? Will I still be treading on the same spot like wat I had done for the past 2 years??? So much more challenge to face in motherhood.... sometimes i just feel frail and need a place to rest. Crazy hormones.... i better go to bed now!

12/09/2009

a wrong turn!

A week ago i was here feeling excited about my son going to school, now i'm here again feeling worried and sighing. Playschool was a bad idea, or i should say sending him to Taska Glory was a nightmare!

When we first thought of sending Jayden there, our intentions are just as simple as hoping tat he'll be able to mingle with his peers there as well as learn some basic motor skills like using spoon, toilet-training, etc. It is a PLAYschool after all. What do you expect the kids to do there anyway? It turned out tat we are enrolling him for a school that are expecting too much from him in return.

We should be grateful tat the school was actually holding a trial session before recruiting all the kids. Not juz the school will be able to evaluate the kids; the parents in return have the opportunity to judge the school and the teachers' patience and determination in teaching!

Taska Glory was a wrong choice. When i told all my friends about it, they all commented about what the teacher said. First day, the principal told me my son has very bad discipline and very bad-tempered. He was throwing toys, and throwing himself on the floor as well as banging his head when he couldn't find us. She said this is very serious as it is very bad example for the kids there. Sigh! Doesn't they need to consider tat the kid is feeling anxious when he noticed tat his parents wasn't there? Somemore it is Jayden's first time being away from my side for so long, and there were so many other kids around.

At the end of the trial week, i was told tat my son has very serious problems. He was said to be autistic, having the tendency to injure himself as well as hyperactivity. As a mum, I was worried of cuz when the principal told me so. I cried and cried out of anxiety. The principal said if they were to take Jayden in, we'll have to bring him for an assessment to show tat he is normal.

We came to realise tat perhaps the school condition wasn't suitable for ahDen. It was way too big-scaled... having too many kids and too few teachers. Jayden must have being running around these few days when he saw tat the place was new, and he must be busy exploring. It must be pretty difficult for him to concentrate when the teachers called his name, for there were far too many things that attract his attention.

We did bring him to the Sensory Integration Centre, thinking of bringing him for an assessment. But from the bottom of our hearts, after i calmed down and thinking straight, we really don't feel tat there is anything wrong wid ahDen. Last Sat we brought him to see his paediatrics because of his cold tat was getting worse.

Dr.Huang was telling us not to worry about Jayden. She said she had seen ahDen for so many times, and it had never cross her mind tat he is autistic. She explained to us in details about wat she observed from ahDen, and as for hyperactive disorder, she ruled tat out as well. She told me tat ahDen is just more active compared to other child, but not til the hyperactive disorder phase. We felt so much relieved. She just told me tat the school wasn't right for him, and we should think of finding him a smaller scale school. I felt like hugging the doc tat time. I was so so so comforted when she told me tat. She even placed her hand on my arm to comfort me. Thanks so much Dr. Huang!

Hubby was telling me all these while tat the principal was wrong. All tat she ever told us was tat ahDen was spoiling all the other kid's fun, especially those whose parents paid for them to have holiday fun there! Jayden is juz a preschooler, I really don't know how much they expect from a 2year old. All those comments juz made me think tat i'm not disciplining my son enough and I made him into this monster. Even if we were to send him to a playschool in future, it would definately NOT be Taska Glory!

Thanks to all the concerns i got from friends. Uncle NgeeBang and Auntie Piang were among the first to tell me there's nothing wrong wid my son. If anything tat's wrong, it is the principal. Later, Aiwei wrote me a lengthy email even when she was so busy, telling me tat playschools nowadays are for money and shortcuts! Yes, they should juz tell me tat they couldn't cope wid my son but not to the extend tat he needs a special school. It was really terrible! I thought tat playschool and kindy teachers are supposed to be more loving and have more patience. All tat i ever wanted for my son is juz an environment where he can learn to socialise more with other kids. I am not able to provide him with all these at home, so I tot of playschool for him. It was definately a wrong gesture.

I cried and cried, thinking if there really is anything wrong wid my son. Now i juz hope he really is fine. All I can do is pray and hope tat i can be a better mother in disciplining him. Sigh! I really sound like a failure in being a mom...