"on de Day my bb was born"

Part I *********************************************

It was Friday, 7th of September, and i was on my way to my mum's place when my hubby called. I was supposed to go for another checkup on the following day, and i haven't realised that it was a public holiday. Since i had noticed a drop in the number of kicks my bb made recently, i decided i should not wait over the weekend for my weekly checkup.
Mum needed my to accompany her to settle some of her stuffs tat morn, so i decided to go over to see the gynae later in the evening. Both my legs were badly swollen by then, and as a matter of fact, it had started to hurt when i drive. Though my tummy were so big then, I still drove myself over to see my gynae tat day. In my mind it was juz another checkup and it'll be over very soon.

Around 3+pm, i went over to Dr. Ng's clinic. After the normal urine test, i was required to do another urine test. Doc told me tat there was sign of albumin (protein) in my first urine test, and i had to do another test to confirm the result. In my mind, it juz seems so harmless cox i do not know of the consequences. After the 2nd test, it was confirmed of the albumin existence in my urine and the reading was quite high. I had no idea of the scale they used, but i remembered she told me tat it was '3+' and it was not a good sign. After that she took my blood pressure, and surprisingly my bp tat day was higher than normal exceeding 150. My bp had been normal all the while and it had never occured to me tat i'm having hypertension, and i'm feeling perfectly fine without any dizziness.

Doc told me tat i'm suffering from a condition called 'pre-eclampsia'. Well, since the term is juz another medical term for me, i had no idea how serious it can actually be. She told me i had to be admitted to hospital at tat moment on emergency basis, and i should give birth ASAP. I wasn't prepared for all this, hubby is still in KK and will only be reaching tat nite. Somemore, there are still a lot of stuffs tat i hadn't gotten for bb, myself, and so many food i'd like to consume b4 my confinement started (tho there weren't much choices left for me since i'd been diagnosed with gestational diabetes), and oso i hadn't gotten the stuffs i need to bring to hosp ready cox the luggage bag was way up above the cupboard and i had no one to get it down for me!
I tried to negotiate wid the doc, telling her tat i want to wait 4 my hubby to come back b4 i give birth. She told me tat i must deliver tat very day, either thru induced-labour or caesarean-section. The sound of c-sec really scares me and i wanted natural birth so badly, but it seems to be impossible now. No matter wat, doc told me i MUST be admitted to hospital now, and i shouldn't delay the process anymore because if not, i might go into fitting and worse, be in coma.

Part II *********************************************

All the while i was really feeling perfectly fine, so to me it really doesn't seems like an emergency. Around 6.30pm, i was admitted to KPJ (Kuching Specialist Hosp). After the registration process, i was given a bed and de standard patient clothing. I felt so funny wearing the robe cox i really do not feel sick at all. The nurses there took my blood pressure again and oso did another urine test for me. I had told Dr. Ng tat hubby will be reaching around 9pm tat nite, and i'll only decide whether to give birth or not after he arrives. Around 7+pm, the nurses there informed me tat Dr. Ng wanted to speak to me. She told me tat my condition had worsen, and my bp had climbed again compared to afternoon, and my urine still show traces of albumin. She advised me not to wait for my hubby anymore and i must be induced right then. Even if after i'm being induced, i might need to wait for several hours (min 4-6hrs) before the drug take effect, and signs of contractions might begin, and my cervix might dilate.

I still hesitated, and the doc insisted me to do it. She keep on telling me tat i might go into fitting. Finally i agreed to be induced. Doc told me tat the nurses there will insert the drug for me. If my cervix will dilate after drug was inserted, then i can give birth naturally. If not, they'll haf to operate me. :((
Seems like hell when the nurse inserted the drug into me... sigh... i really hope i can deliver naturally. After the drug was inserted, i had to lie on bed for 2hrs without moving around. The nurses there took my bp every half an hour. I lie there looking at the clock in front of me, and glanced at the blurred tv once in a while. After 2hrs had passed, i still felt no contraction. After 9pm, Dr. Ng came to the ward to see me. She measured my bp again, and seems like my bp is reaching 170 now. She asked if my husband had arrived, and she need to speak to him immediately. SH had juz got off the plane then, and rushed over to the hosp.

When hubby arrived, doc told him of my condition, and said i must not wait even to be induced anymore. She needs to operate me then as my bp seems to rocket every hour and it was for my own safety. I was blurred and really reluctant to be operated. SH told me to go for c-sec, and not to think too much anymore. They brought me some papers to sign, and hubby told me to listen and agree to watever the doc has to say.

Part III *********************************************

Doc say i need to be put on drip first and a sample of my blood will be sent to lab for test, and we need to wait for the result to come back b4 they can start the operation. Then the nightmare began... my blood was taken, the nurses inserted a tube into my uretra (it really HURTS... *_*"), my swollen hand was poke so tat i could be on drip. It hurts terribly especially since my hand had oledi swell so much, when the needle was poked thru my skin, it made my hand swell even more. Besides glucose, there was another pack of drug. The nurse told me tat it's to control my bp.
Around 11pm, my blood test result came back. The doc in charge for performing the anesthetic process came to speak to me. He advised me to choose to be totally unconscious during the operation since it'll be easier to monitor my bp. I guessed it's best for me, since i will be totally unaware of the whole process.

Then i was transfered to another bed. The process of transfering me made me felt even more nervous. I felt as if i was attached to so many things; the drip, my packet of urine, and i was really scared if the nurses might accidentally pull any of the tubes on me! After tat i was wheeled out from Room307 Bed A towards the OT. I felt so ackward... since i had taken off my specs, all i can really see was the row of white lights all the way down the hall to the OT. My mum, sis, hubby were accompanying me. I was really very nervous but i keep on telling myself tat i'll see my bb really soon. For the time being tat seems to be the only thing tat can comfort my fears.

When they reach the doors of the OT, the nurses told my family members tat they can proceed no longer and can only be waiting out there for me. They wheeled me in and again transfered me to another bed. This time they slipped a piece of steel board underneath my whole body and then carried me at the count off 3, to transfer me to another bed. It felt so cold that my teeth had started to clatter... i guess the air-cond, plus the steel bed, plus my nervousness really made me so, so, so cold. I was shaking so badly til i was unable to control my jaws from shaking too. "Oh God! When will all this be over?"
As they wheeled me into another room, the lights was even more blinding. Guess i'm lucky tat i haf short-sighted, and without my specs, i really couldn't figure out how the room was like. If not, i would haf felt even more nervous. I juz knew there were a lot of ppl in the room. Once again they transfered me to another bed. The whole process was really quick, and they start to hang up my arms and legs. I felt like an animal tat was about to be operated! As i turned my head towards my left, i saw a small figure all dressed up in a blue-coloured robe. Tat seems to be my gynae. Then the doc in charge of the anesthetic procedure was talking to me. I remembered he was trying to make me feel less nervous, and told me tat the OT was really very cold. I guessed from the way my whole body was shaking, anyone definately know tat i was feeling really COLD. The figure dressed in blue robe on my left was starting to walk towards me, and it was Dr. Ng. She was telling me to relax. They put a mask to my face and i was told to take deep breath. One.... Two... Three... i started to pass out.....

Part IV *********************************************

When i opened my eyes again, i saw my hubby in front of me. I asked him wat time it was, and felt tat i was kinda hard to speak. It was past 1.30am, and i noticed tat there was a tube attached to my nose. I glanced down at my tummy and it seems to haf deflated a little, though it still seems to be quite big. SH was telling me how brave i had been, and tat bb was safe and sound asleep in the next room. I questioned him about the tube from my nose, and he told me tat it was supplying oxygen. When they wheeled me out of the OT, he said i was having difficulty breathing and I seem to be wanting to throw up and making loud gasps. I totally had no idea as i was still unconscious then. The docs said it might be because of the anesthetic effect, so tat's why they put the oxygen tube to my nose. I felt really tired, and closed my eyes again to rest.

I can say those 2 days at the hospital really seems like eternal. My mind was blurred and i couldn't seem to remember things correctly when i was there. Perhaps it was the effect of all the drugs. All i could remembered was the pain after the painkiller was gone. Not only did i felt as if i had been cut open, i felt as if all my organs were being misplaced. For the first nite, i couldn't really rest well. I started to haf mild fever because the needle for the drip on my hand was really hurting me so badly. My hands were so swollen tat it doesn't even look like my own hand. (In fact my whole person was swelling so badly!) The nurses keep on coming in to give me injection on my thighs. They said it's to prevent blood clot.
I felt much better after i can be off from the drip. I didn't feel hungry at all, but my lips were very dry. When i had to swallow down the painkillers, i finally had to start to drink and tat's when it start to develop another kind of pain within me. I felt as if each trickle of water down my intestines was pinching the inside of my stomach. I could hardly move, so i couldn't squirm myself to take my pain away like i always do. I can only close my eyes and wish all the pain away. I really wonder why it starts to hurt tat way. When i consult the doc the next day, i was told tat my uterus was shrinking and sometimes tat process will hurt. To be frank, i really thought tat they had messed around wid my intestines! (if KC reads tis, i'm sure he'll laugh like hell!)

On the 2nd nite, i started to develop a funny kind of rashes all over my body. When hubby first saw it on my neck, i assumed it was only heat rash. Then when the nurses saw it, they checked my whole body only to find tat other parts of my body was also covered wid the funny looking cresent-like red spots. They start to ask me if i'm allergic to any medication, and i really had no idea. I told them towards the last 2 months of my pregnancy, i had developed all kinds of rashes so i really had no idea if it's skin allergy. The next morning they informed my doc, and Dr. Ng said she'll be calling in the skin specialist. It was Sun morning, and darn... i'm sure there'll be some additional charges.

When they called in a Dr. Lim, he was surveying my rashes and seemed to be so excited. He said he had never seen anything like tat before, (as if i'm some alien from Mars)... i still remembered him telling me "It's very interesting. I had never seen anything like this before. Do u mind if i call my colleague in to take a look at tis? He might be able to explain." So in come another Dr. Pubalan (my sis said he's a very good skin doctor) and said a sample of my blood shud be taken immediately as he suspect i might haf SLE (a disease tat normally attack young women and only discovered when the immune system is low - tat's wat the doc told me). I had no idea wat SLE is, but my sis said it's very serious. From the expression of their faces, i started to feel as if i might be warded even longer, and i really wan to go home! And i really DO NOT WANT to take any blood test anymore. All thru my pregnancy, my blood had been taken for tis purpose, tat purpose... and now tat i had finally delivered, they tell me they need to take my blood again! Oh God... when will all this suffering ends! I'm starting to hate needles so much... when will they stop pricking me wid all those needles!!!! ARGHHHHH................ tears start to well in my eyes.

Part V *********************************************

Another worry in my mind was the medical cost. Dr. Ng told me tat if i can get down from bed and go to toilet and pee after the urine bag was removed, then i can go home. The medical fees at KPJ for natural birth is RM2k+. The budget i had in mind originally was tat amount, but now i had to set my budget even higher. C-sec was normally charged around RM5k+ at KPJ, and the difference of RM3k, i could haf used tat amount to buy a lot of stuffs for my bb... or even consider stem cell storage. And now i'm using additional drugs to control my bp and all those injections, i'm sure they'll charge me even more. I asked my hubby to go and checked the medical fees. When he returned, the amount really made me jump. It was far beyond from wat we had budgeted... RM7k+! I told myself tat i must be discharged tat very day. Who knows one more nite might cost us how much.

The nurses told me i should start to exercise my limbs. At first i start to roll my body to my sides. The big bandage plaster on my stomach made my movement a bit difficult, but it also made me feel safer for i assumed tat it'll help to hold my 'opened tummy' together. I forced myself to sit up in my bed. The feeling of blood gushing to the lower part of my body made me swallowed my saliva, holding back the fainting feeling of pain. I told my hubby and sisters to help me to get down from my bed and to practice walking. As i got my feet of the bed to touch the ground, i start to feel the terrible pain from the wound. I told myself i must bear wid the pain... and i must start walking to the next room to see my baby. I start to stand up.... i felt the coldness of the floor creeping through my socks. The pain was too painful for me to bear but i told them to help to carry me a little, i must take a few steps forward. I could hardly lift my legs, i only pushed both my feet forward alternately, to make myself move forward.
Three steps forward and i start to feel faint. All my blood seems to flow from my face and head towards my feet, and the buzzing sound in my ears start to grow stronger. I couldn't hear the voices of my sisters and hubby. I'm fainting.... and they dragged me back to my bed for me to lie down. I was deaf and couldn't hear wat they was telling me, i could only see their mouth moving.
I had tried my very best, but i could only make 3 steps... not even to the next room to see my bb. ='(

Part VI *********************************************

Whatever it takes, i told myself tat i must be discharged tat very day. The fear of fainting again and oso the pang of pain, made me feel doubtful of my strong will. I rested again in order to regain my energy. Thinking back i hadn't really been eating since the pack of glucose had been removed. Not only did i had no appetite to eat, but the pain i'm feeling in the inside of me just made me feel tat i wanted to sleep in order to forget about it.

Hubby and sis all told me to eat sth so tat i'll haf the strength to get up from bed. I started to chomp on some crackers and drank hot milo and rested. I really feel so helpless. Somewhere around 1pm, i made myself get up again. I sat on my bed and put my legs down, nearly touching the ground, for a while. By tat time, my sisters had gone home. I wan to practice to walk again, and i really need to go to the bathroom. Hubby rang the bell to get some assistance from the nurses there, and together wid their help, i finally reached the bathroom. When i saw myself in the mirror, i couldn't recognise myself. My face was as white as sheet, i really had no idea i can be so pale and yet so swollen. Even looking at myself scares me. I guess i must haf lost a lot of blood. My once pinkish cheeks were gone. When i got my blood test report, my blood count was oledi below the average level before the operation. After the operation, it'd dropped by half again. No wonder i felt so weak. I had lost so much blood!

Tat Sunday afternoon, around 3.30pm, i was discharged. Luckily they wheeled me with a wheel chair down to the carpark. I really couldn't take tat many steps. All i wanted to do was to lie down in bed and rest, and hope the wound will heal soon. On the way home, even when the car pass by slightly uneven roads, my wound hurts terribly. I felt my tummy being so wobbly, and the wound feels like parting open. When i reached home, the worst part was to climb the stairs to my bedroom. Hubby was there slowly urging me on, going up the stairs. I took slow and very small steps. Feels like heaven when i finally get to rest on my own bed. This is the place i'll be for the following weeks during my confinement period. I'd better start getting use.

Tat nite, things were not going on so fine. The confinement lady hadn't arrived yet, and i really had no idea how to look after a baby. When Jayden cries, i feel myself so useless because i really couldn't get up to help. The wound was hurting me so bad, and with every effort of getting up from the bed, it made my wound hurts. Luckily SH was there, and before i had learnt how to change bb's dirty diapers, feed him, carry him; the daddy had oledi mastered all the skills. I couldn't even carry my own bb back then. I juz hope i'll be strong enuf soon...





"A snapshot of baby Jayden an hour after his birth."

roses are red!

It'd been really, really long since i posted sth here. A lot had been happening in my life lately, and i juz couldn't find the appropriate time to do some of my updates here. My life had been really hectic before this, with my wedding rush and also the CNY rush... only now everything seems to be back to its normal pace.

20th January 2007 - This is the date where the verse "roses are red" really came to life. This is my bouquet of "99 red roses". It wasn't easy trying to get so many red roses, as valentine's day was nearing then, he really went all the way to get the roses for me. He told himself that once he'd accumulated 99 roses, he'll fly all the way back and propose. To every florist shop he went, none can give him tat much red roses as it exceeded the normal stock that they haf daily, since flowers don't last long. Finally, he drove all the way up to Mt. KK and made stops along the way and bought all the red roses he could get his hands on. He bought more than 160 roses, estimating some will be spoilt when he bring them home.

On the 20th, it happened to fall on a public holiday. Most florist shops in town were closed. He went out early and waited for the shops to open, and finally found a shop tat was still opened for business that day. But all the gals in the shop said only one gal in the shop had the skill to wrap up such a big bouquet of roses. If she agrees to do it, only then they can help him. If not, they'll haf to say sorry. He begged her to do it for him, and at last she agreed to help him though they were really busy tat day.

... "This is of course the first time in my life that i'd received so many roses... 99 roses to resemble everlasting love. The truth is the flowers doesn't matter at all. I'm not a bubbleheaded gal who'll be thrilled with a few stalks of flowers or sweet talk. I guess in a gal's life what is the most important thing is how much and how far a guy is wiling to go for her.... sacrifices he is wiling to make for you. For a guy who carries the importance of himself ahead of you, how far will you be wiling to go for him?

Lots of things in life will never happen for a second time. If you let it slipped, you just might never be able to catch it again!"

=)

Last Tuesday nite, i finally got my share of money from my participation in PowerMoves last year. I was soooo happy, because the money came about the right time since CNY is juz around the corner, and there's a lot of extra expenses tat i'll need to spend on, such as not only in getting new clothes for myself, but oso for my youngest sis & perhaps my bro n mummy as well, then need to give ang pow to mummy n buy some of the goodies for my family. Somemore i still need to pay for the airfare tickets which we'd bought since AirAsia is giving out free tickets, n we only need to pay for the airport taxes, so sis & I had decided to bring mum for a short trip to KK in May. At least it's a trip tat i can afford to bring her along, since i can save up on transportation and maybe accomodation too.
The money tat i'd got from Ah Ma was enough to pay for my air tickets to KL and Bangkok. =) Not only was i proud of myself, but i am oso feeling contented for being able to settle the airtickets without using my savings. Hooray! The money was sort of 'hard-earned' money, tat's why when i got it, i felt really happy! =)

Last nite we did another performance for KFC Annual Dinner. The theme was 'The Last Samurai' and everyone dressed up in their japanese attire. The dinner was held at Riverside Sarawak Chamber, and for the first time in my life i actually saw a dinner held in Swak Chamber wid all the guests sitting down on the floor, on floor mat, wid the dining table positioned juz a little above the ground. It was supposed to be japanese style, so the hall had been decorated to make everyone feel as if they are in Japan. =) Another exciting experience for myself. However i really pitied the waiters & waitresses for having to kneel down when they need to refill guest's drinks and when they carried out the dishes. I tot of taking some snapshots of the hall before the event started but wasn't able to find the time to. Hopefully i can get some exciting snapshots to be shared here in my blogs from the others soon!

WELCOME 2007

Another new year... wow, how fast time flies! Sometimes at the pace everything's going, i really feel i haf such little time left. hiewming, thanx for keep on 'tuning' in to my blog! ah Yi called me tat day to ask me about sth, and she said u commented tat i must be pretty busy lately cox i hadn't updated my blog for quite some time. U r partly right... i am busy, but other than tat i was quite lazy too. There are some new features in blogger... hmm... i still need some more time to find out about it!

Xmas 2006 i was in Kota Kinabalu. i had a nice holiday there, had plenty of good food to eat and plenty of rest. Went on shopping spree, and my 'tauke' paid for everything. He said this year he wont be able to accompany me to get my new year clothes, so i better buy it first when he's around. I really feel like i din shop for such a long time, and everything seems to be just wat i wanted to get for myself! Siewhung said sth tat made me feel so touched, if i say tis in front of nb, for sure he'll say i try to 'tipu' siewhung again. ;))
The truth is i really feel bad if he spend too much on me. I know how it's owest so difficult to buy stuffs for urself and when it comes to the things u wanted, u'll really think it over whether it's worth ur money. But then when u r getting it for others, u just spend without thinking. His reply was if he knows i'll look good if i get to dress up n if he was to think of not wasting his money in buying me clothes n accessories, he'll feel bad.

oh ya, the xmas tree in Casuarina was beautiful. He decorated it all by himself. I owest love xmas tree... and when i went over, i got 2 more rolls of ribbon for the tree. The red & gold ribbons around the tree, made it looked so fabulous. Somemore with all those red ornament balls around it, the colour was a great match.
On top of the tree was 2 golden bells. If it's really my tree, i'll put an angel on top of the tree. It made me think of the story i used to read when i was young, where the toys or decos on the tree will owest fight in order to be on top of the tree. ;)) At nite when everyone is asleep, the toys will come to life. It'll be their world then, and they will depend on themselves to climb to a better position on the tree. Is tat how the decos on trees owest seems to be in different places one day or another?
Such a fairytale....

Here are some photos tat i'll like to share. We went to Kundasang.
It's the farm for all the Desa milking cows. The cows are really black & white in colour, juz like the ones we used to read in storybooks or watched in cartoons. They are so cute, and they are real! It felt as if u r really in NewZealand.



The photos of the delicacies tat i had managed to take. I really ate a lot... these are not even til half of wat i actually had there. I love the fish head bihun, and finally i got to taste the fish noodles.... the noodles are being made out of fresh fish meat. This time in KK, i finally get to taste the 'tung fung' clams. I think i still prefer elephant trunk clams better... though they are all great for a seafood lover like myself!

hiewming, i hope u'll find wat i had to share here interesting. i miss all of u lo.... n i wanna see how big is karhooi's tummy now! take k!

Finally a snapshot of me in Kundasang! Looks like i'm in NZ!