thanks 4 loving me

Lately i feel very lonesome, and i feel very empty. For the whole of this week, actually i was very free. There wasn't any practice scheduled for sketch tis week, and i only went for chinese dance class on Tues nite. Kind of miss modern dance a lot, cox we have not been having modern dance practice since we started practicing for de National Day programs - de chinese dance & oso de sketch. But 'ah ma' juz told me tat we'll haf modern dance practice tis sun noon, cox everyone miss the class a lot besides me! She was asking if my foot is okie now, n if i rest somemore... but i replied her immediately saying i'll be there this sun to dance wid the rest. Guess i've kind of starting to feel comfy dancing in the midst of my dancer frens now... when i juz started, i remembered i'd felt so akward.

I was feeling so down... even feel too demotivated to 'jot' down my ongoings here. The truth is i am very blessed. In fact, i tend to realise i actually have a lot of people around me who loves me a lot. Lately, i started to realise how much my mummy loves me. Last Sun, she knew i was bored & frustrated. I juz don seems to really wan to talk to anyone, and i feel like indulging in junk food. When we went out to get lunch, i told her i wanted to go buy coke & snack... and immediately mummy say to stop by at a department store so she can buy some stuffs, and oso get me coke & keropok. So after lunch, i juz sat in front of the tv to catch my fave series CSIs from 1200 til 1500, while indulging in my junk food.
Actually i do know mum care for me, maybe even more now... n she even buy me cup noodles for me to bring to office, juz in case when she doesn't haf time to prepare lunch for me to bring to office, i can haf some alternatives if i don't feel like eating out. In fact, i feel it's hard for me to be eating out wid others now... i juz dont feel like going out wid people most of the time.
Juz now when i follow her to supermarket, she oso tends to load her shoppings wid more of my fave stuffs... icecream, keropok, vitagen... yummy...

Tat day when i told mum tat my colleague commented about my health, & tat i need to take more veges, mum was so worried. They say i owest eat meat and seldom eat veges... actually i do like veges. Juz tat most of the time the food i bring to office for lunch are leftovers, and normally we don leave cooked veges overnite. So ended up, i seems to be lacking of veges for lunch everyday. When i told mum wat my colleagues say about me having the risk of low oxygen supply to my brain, mum immediately insisted i bring veges to work everyday and no more meat. She'll cooked the veges every morn for my lunch, and the very next day she really cooked greenies for me to 'tapau' to office. Actually i juz don wan to trouble her, but i know i'm not categorised in the healthy group, and mum really juz don wan someone dear to her being sick again.

Juz now i told mum, i wanted to eat durian a lot. Had been craving for it since i'm back from KK, and though he promised to buy me durians, he never did. :( When i tot tat durian season might be over oledi, i felt kind of sad. But tis afternoon, i saw ppl selling durians by the roadside... so i was trying to brainwash mummy to go buy durians tmr. Then amazingly sis & bro-in-law came around 2130 and they bought durians for me! Wow.... seems like they heard my cravings.

i owest feel i did not do enuf for my family, especially my mum. i was owest busy wid my own stuffs & more occupied wid frens. now i feel quite guilty as i know tat the ppl who love me most are still my family. today, my pet rabbit died... mum was sad tat de rabbit is gone. since esther came to our family, none of us actually have any free time for him. everyday we juz fed him all the same. I guess the rabbit died of old age, but mum was sad all the same. I saw her shed a few tears while we were watching de 1900 movie, and she told me no wonder she felt uncomfortable for the whole day like sth wasn't rite. She kept on sighing and shaking her head.
I din not cry for the rabbit. I was never a person made to keep pets. In my mind, it'd died because of old age. Moreover, it's lonely n lack of attention. Maybe, death is still de best for him. I'll miss him tho... but i assume i hadn't done enuf for him when he's around, if it'd left to find a better world for himself, i'll have to let him go. Farewell black rabbit...