can u hear me cry?

Tonight i am supposed to be in bed at tis time. I wasn't feeling very well, and keep on having migraines and headaches. Maybe the weather is too hot and am feeling very heaty... however, i still online at this hour and still look at de monitor though i had been looking at it for the whole day.

I'm feeling very down. When i online earlier this evening, i met a fren thru yahoo! msgr and i asked why was she sad. I knew she was sad cox norm she'll tell me lots of things. She blamed her moodiness on her hormones.

Later i went out though i wasn't feeling well, cox i feel like eating ice cream very much. So i went down town to get a cone and later went for supper at jln song. After my supper, I feel sad. Perhaps things are really better this way. Since you really wanted to go so much, then just go ahead. Things had always been changing and changing, til i'm so numb wid wat more to expect. Never was there any plannings which will make me feel completely safe. If anyone is to question me right now wat i expect in my life, I'll 'rain' rightaway! Yes, everything is so unpredictable, and i'll say it's only fair if i have a choice for myself too.

grandma will be sleeping here tonight. She had undergone a cataract surgery today at GH but the operation will haf to recontinue tmr since they hadn't got the suitable lenses for her. Since it's quite a journey back to Bau, grandma had came over to sleep for the nite. Private docs and general hospital really differs so much in terms of services they provide. GH couldn't even provide my grandma a place to sleep for the night. Her wound would haf been terribly painful since the operation is not completed yet... she still haf to bear wid the pain til the next morn!

Ppl who are rich and who can afford would have opted to go to private hosp for sure... but for poorer ppl, they'll queue and wait for the treatment they can get from GH. Deep inside of me, I'll always tell myself i wanted the best of everything. Is wealth not important? I really have to admit it is important due to a lot of things tat i encountered! Some ppl can afford to go to private hosp for deliveries, whereas the richer ones will fear so much as to step inside the labour ward of the GH... wat more to say about giving birth there. If you have a choice, which category will you choose to be in???

when i online to hope tat i'll be able to find someone to talk to right now, i met another sad person. he sez he'll never be happy again... wat does that mean? I think tat terms suited me more than it does for him. he sez he oso dunno why, but he juz feel sad. Sigh... seems like the wind of bitterness is sweeping across the land, bringing despairs and griefs and hurts to us.

After bla bla-ing here, I'm so much better now. I feel that i cant really shed a tear now. Whenever i have the urge to cry, seems like tears juz fill my eyes, and when i take a deep breath, my tears will juz be transformed into a deep sigh and that's all! Maybe i'm oledi too getting used to the current situation.... all this numbness... i won't expect anything much anymore.... juz take things as it comes. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If not, then juz let it pass...

it's mon again!

so sien n tired! Having slight migraine now n i think i better stop looking at all the codes in my dev tool for a while. If not, all the words will start dancing in front of me!

last week had been quite a busy week.

Last Thurs we went shopping for tnb's bday gift. We made him so sad cox he was thinking how come everyone's busy when he tried asking us out! haha... after we got his gift, we kept it a secret and asked him to come out for supper then. We went to Kenyalang for 'cha kueh' and 'pisang goreng'. Tnb... see how much we love you... knowing u'll be sad both tan ah mek and tan ah piang purposely say to look for you for supper lo. :) Me too lo... since i'm owest so tired, i still purposely drive down to town to shop wid them le! Hee... n mek oso sacrificed her pak-tor time to go pick leeing n shop wid us le.... how??!! Feel touched or not??!!

Last Fri i went swimming wid frens at Rajah Court. Wanted to go wid Piang at first since LeeIng invited us to go over to swim at the pool. Had never been inside Rajah Court before, what more to say about the pool. Tot it might be a good experience for me so we went. (somemore piang was very excited when she know we can finally swim)... but this darling piang din even get into the water for more than 5 minutes, and she started shivering saying it was too cold. Honestly yes the water was very cold since it was about 7pm and i guess the pool is not equip wid heater. Luckily piang had persuaded tnb to go and somemore he can be the 'eyes' for both of us. If he hadn't went, i think me n piang would have drowned when we jumped into the side of the pool tat sez 1.7m cox we cant see without our specs! hahaha.... n luckily there's tnb or else i dunno wat i would do too all alone in the pool, wid all the hotel guests staring at me later!

After our swim, we went for dinner at Open Air. Yummy.... we had pork porridge wid all the ingredients such as century egg, and egg including some of the pig's 'spare parts' like 'usus', liver and kidney... yummy... and we ordered midin wid red wine, fried sotong and oso tom yam soup! Slurp!
It was a nice an enjoyable dinner!

On sat nite, seng asked me out for dinner cox tnb told him i said it seems to be quite awhile tat i din see him. So he brought daphne along and i brought piang along and we went to Happy Valley. We had butter fish (how is it cooked???... wid butter lo ~so DUH! ); cheesy chicken chop; grilled lamb chop; and grilled pork. Dinner was okie though it was actually the company tat was fine but not the place and definately not the service! The waitress was so lame and duh, giving us such unsatisfactory answers for our enquiries! I shud have pasted seng's lamb chop on her face for giving such 'lame' answers! :p

Seng asked "is the spicy chicken chop very spicy?" ~ her answer was "SPICY LO!" (such an amazing answer... retarded maybe... for normal waitress de expected answer for us would be
A.Not Really
B.Spicy but it's delicious
C.You can give it a try but i wouldn't say it's too spicy for me
D.I don't like spicy food so it's too spicy for me )

Then i asked, "how's the butter fish cooked???" ~ her answer was "WITH BUTTER LO!" Duh... would u go n name ur dish butter fish and cooked it with ketchup??!! N i directly answered her, "Of course it's cooked with butter! What i meant was is it GRILLED, STEAMED, BBQ, or FRIED!?!" Such a "fei" person wid all the "fei" answers! (translated as 'lung' in mandarin... haha) Really amazing she was!
No wonder the place seems deserted... i guess de customers juz cant take it for them being so "fei"!

U ppl shud try go n asked more questions n we can laugh our head off at the answers given. I think we shud bring tnb along next time n the waitress will really juz throw all of us out!

argh!!! where's my card reader??!!??!

i'm so piss off! Where is my card reader??? Sigh!!! I had juz downloaded one mp3 cutter tool and i wanted to cut a song short because it exceeded 5Mb and i wanted to upload tat song to geocities and tat song i had temporary saved into my SDcard. BUT my card reader is no where in sight!!! ARGHH!!!! Either bro or sis borrowed it from me but forgot where they put... so... wuwuwuwuwu........

Oh ya! Lately i had been rather quiet cox i'm building a very simple website and i wanted to upload it to geocities. Simple HTML but with my limited knowledge and limited time to use the computer (need to steal the chance to use the comp from my bro), i'd taken much more time than one is supposed to.
It's a site holding one of my latest fave song. Hmm... when it's done, i'll share it here in my blog.

Til then.... the search for my card reader continues............ *_*"

'did u see me cry?...'

Today i'm feeling rather blue... n am listening to the song "Hear Me Cry" to suit my mood. Last nite, i'd a nice sleep, while hugging "Jack" (my new soft toy buddy pillow) tightly. My arm hurts all thru the nite... hated my arm when it aches like tat. But the pain was gone when i woke up this morn.

Last weekend had been a rather busy weekend. Had been a busy cum sad cum hurt as well as one of the sweetest weekend for me. Lately, I had a mixture of feelings inside of me. Last Friday nite was the best.
I had a long nite... performed at my fren's wedding, and we danced 'Dhoom' on her wedding stage, as a wedding gift for her. After her wedding dinner, i went to my best fren's house to celebrate her birthday. She's definately one of the nicest homely type gal tat every guy would wish to have. She made so much food for us... fried baby popia, "sio-bee", fried seaweed crisps, milkshake... she's really such an angel!
Sorry mek... i hadn't had any time to get u a birthday gift yet. I owe it to u first, okie... sorry for such lack of sincerity but i really did go around thinking of wat i can get for u, and ended up i wonder if u'd like all those dainty accessories as much as i do! Hmm... wat type of accessories u'd like to have most currently???
Sat, i went shopping wid piang n peishan. Helped piang to search for a new swimsuit. I hope tat we can really go swimming next time if we haf the time to. Piang, i really wish tat i can go for holiday too... sorry for owest being not able to suit my time. Wat trip can be one tat's economical but oso on public holidays???

Today the sky seems to be so dim for me. Sigh!!! Everyone is striving for the best for their own life. Wat more can one say if we all know tat this is the bitter truth, tat money is the most important thing in one's life??? Career is the most important right now... i hope u really think like tat and accept the fact. Feel myself useless and am ashame of my realistic behaviour. For most things, i do understand and will agree to the decision tat had to be made out of it. The question of whether it's right or wrong will remain a question forever. Today, I feel tat my 'invisible wings' are torn. Feel as if I had not the might to fly even if my 'wings' are fine. Am carrying too much weight in heart tat had tied me down and unable to soar...



My prayer for u: no matter what happened, take care always and make the best out of everything! HUGS!

my UnFinished lunch!

hee...
today is a thursday. As usual when mum asked if i would like to bring lunch to office today, i answered yes. Can help to save some money so i can have more to spend. This week, a lot of my frens are getting married. Give ang pow oledi give til poor... so better if can save some money!

But today i'm pretty fortunate. 'santa-claus' decided to buy me sushi for lunch today. somemore plus delivery and sending it straight to my office! Plus the lunch i brought from home, i'd have TOO much to eat for lunch. So i reheated my food from home, and ate a little before i was too tempted to eat the sushi and finally decided to bring my unfinished food home for dinner! Cannot waste my mum's effort in preparing me food, though it was leftovers! The sushi oso i couldn't finish... too bad no colleagues around to share it with... he was too generous and bought a little too much for me!

TA-DA! My unfinished lunch!



Share it here in my blog then! anyone wants sushi??? Actually i think i know how to make these sushi myself lo. after i ate the sushi, i have some more new ideas of coming up wid the ingredients for a few more types of sushi now.... juz wait til i have the time to try it out!