27th April 2009 - The long awaited Monday had finally came. I should be into my 8weeks of 2nd pregnancy by now. Two weeks ago while i was in Kuching, i went to Dr. Ng's clinic for a checkup. Tat time, i was 6weeks pregnant and a sac was visibly seen during the ultrasound. However, there wasn't any heartbeat from the embryo. So, the gynae said to go for another checkup 2weeks later and only if there's heartbeat can it be considered as a successful pregnancy.
I started to worry since then. No heartbeat... if i wasn't mistaken, it was not like tat in my first pregnancy. So finally Monday 27th came. I made an appointment wid Dr. Sarva here in KK for a checkup. The ultrasound showed nothing, so an internal scan was required. Again, a gestational sac was very visible, but it was empty! I was praying and hoping so hard tis time for the bb's heartbeat to be heard but there was only silence. The doc started telling me tat it wasn't a good sign.
8weeks into pregnancy, and a normal embryo will start to develop by now. I was dazzled and only part of wat the doc told me got inside my head. He started saying sth about miscarriage and how common tis problem is nowadays. I looked at him dumbfounded, not knowing wat to say. He said if it's really not successful, then the sac will need to be removed.
So, no baby?!?!... but all the pregnancy symptoms were so visible, and the urine test as well! They are real! There was sickness and fatigue; and me always feeling nauseous whenever i'm hungry. It felt like a cruel joke, and i started to cry in front of the doc. I hadn't realised how much i wanted tis pregnancy to happen, but i did! I had started informing family members and close frens, and i even put on weight. But no, i juz don't understand why a healthy me will haf a miscarriage.
Then the doctor started telling me tat i'm still young, and still haf lots of chance. I am perfectly clear of all tis logic and worst come to worst, i still haf Jayden. It's juz tat i was awfully disappointed and i didn't expect a miscarriage to happen. All i can do now is to wait for another 2weeks, and by tat time still totally nothing, the tissue will haf to be removed.
Yes, i'm scare but i know i will be alright. I had all this rational reasons keep on playing in my head, it's juz the emotional part of me starting to crumble down. How much we hope for it to happen; it seems so real and close but yet so far!
This is a link sis gave me. Thanks for giving me tis info, to help me understand more about wat happened. Whole day the question "Why? Why? Why?" kept on playing on my mind. The article is about :- Blighted Ovum
I started to worry since then. No heartbeat... if i wasn't mistaken, it was not like tat in my first pregnancy. So finally Monday 27th came. I made an appointment wid Dr. Sarva here in KK for a checkup. The ultrasound showed nothing, so an internal scan was required. Again, a gestational sac was very visible, but it was empty! I was praying and hoping so hard tis time for the bb's heartbeat to be heard but there was only silence. The doc started telling me tat it wasn't a good sign.
8weeks into pregnancy, and a normal embryo will start to develop by now. I was dazzled and only part of wat the doc told me got inside my head. He started saying sth about miscarriage and how common tis problem is nowadays. I looked at him dumbfounded, not knowing wat to say. He said if it's really not successful, then the sac will need to be removed.
So, no baby?!?!... but all the pregnancy symptoms were so visible, and the urine test as well! They are real! There was sickness and fatigue; and me always feeling nauseous whenever i'm hungry. It felt like a cruel joke, and i started to cry in front of the doc. I hadn't realised how much i wanted tis pregnancy to happen, but i did! I had started informing family members and close frens, and i even put on weight. But no, i juz don't understand why a healthy me will haf a miscarriage.
Then the doctor started telling me tat i'm still young, and still haf lots of chance. I am perfectly clear of all tis logic and worst come to worst, i still haf Jayden. It's juz tat i was awfully disappointed and i didn't expect a miscarriage to happen. All i can do now is to wait for another 2weeks, and by tat time still totally nothing, the tissue will haf to be removed.
Yes, i'm scare but i know i will be alright. I had all this rational reasons keep on playing in my head, it's juz the emotional part of me starting to crumble down. How much we hope for it to happen; it seems so real and close but yet so far!
This is a link sis gave me. Thanks for giving me tis info, to help me understand more about wat happened. Whole day the question "Why? Why? Why?" kept on playing on my mind. The article is about :- Blighted Ovum
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Perhaps tis is God's way of telling me tat we all weren't ready for another new member yet. I'm grateful tat i still haf Jayden around me, and today (Tues, 28th) he started kissing me alot. He learned how to kiss wid the "muakkkk" sound lately, and he's putting it into practice very often now. He'll pout his lips and lean closely over, (whether my cheeks, lips or even my arms) and plant his wet kiss on me! Although his saliva wil be all over me, but i'm deeply touched at how much i'm loved by him! :')
I'll be okay! I'll be fine!
3 comments:
hugs n kisses
take it easy ok..
see ahden so guai lo lai lai :P
hey dear, just take ur time to let things settle and dun rush thru it. guess we're reminded that 'man can plan, but God is the one who orders their steps.' this experience is but part of life, tho definitely not an easy one. take heart that u're not alone in this, and we'll be praying with u. take care...hugs!!!
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